[It takes a while for Egon to muster up the words to really convey how he's feeling, and even as he speaks, it's clear that he's struggling to tell more than he has to.]

Thinking about what might have happened--what I may have become as a result of external factors--leaves me...unsettled, to say the least.

[...

Egon lets out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. He looks--and sounds--frustrated.]

This is silly. These are all things that have already happened, and thus I should not bother myself with thinking about them.