neverstudied | Victory Road IC Inbox

[Ray adored this dimension, more than he can say. He loved all the cool monsters, he loved the balance between nature and technology, and he loved that his partners are all here! ... Even though one is from another dimension, but that's just part of the charm!

However, in these past few days he's seemed a little quiet he still seemed pretty cheerful and chatty, but there were long moments where he would just fall silent as he watched the others, almost contemplative. If the others asked, Ray would just brush it off as him spacing out and continue on.

Today was no different. Ray was having a quiet afternoon patting Annie when his patting suddenly stalls, and his gentle smile turns more wistful.

Venkman was the only one in their hotel room right now along with him, and Ray turns to look at him. Whatever Venkman's doing right now, he will be interrupted by his partner gently calling out to him.]

Hey Peter...? Can I ask you something?

[Venkman had certainly noticed the slight change in Ray's attitude over the last several days. Honestly, he probably would've pried by now, but Venkman's been putting in the work to stay safely in Ray's good books since the whole "running off to see Winston first" thing. It's always hard to tell whether or not Ray'll hold a grudge or not. Better to keep him distracted with affection long enough that he forgets why he even considered holding a grudge in the first place. Just to be safe.

All that said...]

Yeah? What's up?

[Ray looks away from Venkman, but if he looks closely he'll see a look of guilt spread across his face. He only moves to continue petting Annie once she starts fussing.

Eventually he exhales slowly, and speaks in a quiet voice.]

Do... do you think I'm selfish?

[About what, he doesn't say it quite yet, but by the tone alone it's clear that this has been eating at him for awhile.]

[Well, that's... probably among the last things Venkman expected to hear Ray ask him right now. The surprise is evident on his face, especially as he examines Ray's own.]

What? No, of course not. Why are you asking?

[who hurt u ray. who does he have to fight for making u feel this way. is it himself? he'll fight himself]

Edited 2019-08-24 18:32 (UTC)

I've just been thinking, I guess.

[There's another pause as Ray curls up slightly.]

I really love this dimension, Venkie. This dimension has so many cool benevolent monsters and we never have to worry about people believing us that these guys exist. And now that Winston is here, technically we're all back together again. And we don't have to worry about hiding anything.

[The pause is longer this time.]

... And I've been thinking. I'm not sure if I wanna go home anytime soon.

... Aw, Ray...

[Venkman gets up to go join Ray, sitting down beside him.]

That's not selfish, man. Nothing bad's happening back home while we're here. We're not causing timelines to break by existing in this place. Not hurting anything. We get an extended vacation in a place that isn't trying to kill us that often, with a bunch of weird monsters you guys get to examine as much as you want, and like you said- we're all together again. 'Cept Janine, but she'll probably show up one of these days. But we're together in a place that's- y'know, ok with us being together.

... And I don't really want to go home, either.

[Ray leans up against Venkman.]

You're right,I just... I dunno, it's not like we have a bad home life. Our home dimension is great! Sure we can't be... as open as we wanna be, but it's our home, and despite everything our home dimension needs us.

[And another pause.]

Besides we're still missing our E- the Egon from our dimension.

... Yeah. I know.

[Venkman takes whatever hand Ray isn't using to pet Annie in his, lacing their fingers together. He tilts his head to lean it on Ray's shoulder, his face partially buried in the crook of his neck.]

I mean- you already kinda know how I feel about that.

[Guilty, mostly. Like he's betraying one of his partners. Not to mention the Bill Murray thing.]

But we can't really change what version of us this universe decided to drag out here, right? And I wouldn't- I don't want to lose this Egon.

... And if we ever did wake up back in our dimension, we wouldn't remember anything about this place. Including him. And he wouldn't remember us if he went home.

[A beat. Then, softly, as if he doesn't want Ray to hear even though it's impossible for him to miss it:]

I'm scared of that happening.

[It's easier to be vulnerable with Ray than the other two. Egon still doesn't know what to do with his own feelings half the time- and Winston does his best, but he doesn't have 15 years of experience with Venkman's whirlwind of emotional instability.]

... Me too.

[He grips Venkman's hand.]

I'm really afraid of forgetting this place, Venkie. I love my children and I love knowing that there's other dimensions where we still exists. And as much as I miss our Egon, I hate thinking that we're going to forget everything we did with this Egon.

...And I really don't wanna forget what it feels like to be open about us.

[He didn't want to admit this, but that's a big reason why he wants to build an inter-dimensional portal here. If he can go home and remember everything, it would make this entire experience perfect.]

I just- [There's a pause, while he tries to sort through his thoughts, before everything just comes pouring out.] - the thought of going back, and not even knowing what we lost by going back... It freaks me out, man. I feel like... Like we're finally allowed to really be happy together, all of us, and that's just- looming over us, the possibility that it could all be over at any moment if this dimension decides to pull us back, and we'd have no say in it- and we'd never be able to remember we lost something. That's some nightmare shit.

And I dunno if there's anything we can do about it except hope it doesn't happen, and we just live here indefinitely. But that means-

We'd probably never get to see our dimension's Egon again. And I don't know how to handle that, Ray. I don't...

[Venkman turns his head to bury his face completely in Ray's neck, now, and tries to fight back the sudden sting of tears in his eyes. He's not gonna cry about this. He's had months to come to terms with this dimension's quirks in that regard, he's not gonna fall apart over it now.

Goddamnit, he came over here to help Ray, not for them to both freak themselves out.]

[Ray doesn't try holding back as he feels the tears running down his face. Annie is concerned about this as she tugs on Venkman's shirt in worry. Why is her dads crying???]

Not... not to mention the ethical implications of it all. If we're staying in this dimension for the rest of our lives and time doesn't pass while we're here, what's going to happen to our home dimension? Would it be stuck in stasis forever?

[God why can't he just be happy about what he has right now and not think about ethical implications for once in his life]

I'm... I'm really sorry I'm dragging you into this, Pete.

[Ray has to think about the ethical implications of this to make up for the fact that Egon never considers the ethics of literally anything ever]

And apparently we can't actually die in this dimension, so- we might literally be here forever-?

[He's not sure if he likes that or not. He doesn't acknowledge Annie for the time being, instead focusing all his attention on Ray and trying like hell to not fall apart.

It's stupid. This isn't a bad place to stay for eternity, after all. It's not like that time they all willingly went to the Netherworld to find Egon, willing to stay there in that little circle of hell for the rest of their lives searching for him if they had to.

Why does that comparison make him feel worse?]

You're not dragging me into anything, man. I've been thinking about this stuff, too. A lot.

[More than he wants to admit, really.]

[Annie whines a little, and flops on his lap. Stop being sad dad 2 :C]

It's not fair, Venkie. I really wanna be happy about all of this, and I am, but I hate how this feels so bittersweet. I wanna live here and have our Egon and this Egon be good friends and have Janine and Slimer here too.

[Venkman may not like it, but Ray is kind of homesick for a lot of things from New York and as much as he loves this dimension, there's some things that he just can't get here.

... And as much as he loves the vacation, he does miss the high risk jobs they would go on and he missed the life or death scenarios. He didn't like thinking that his partners were dead, but he missed feeling like he's making a difference in the world, and the teamwork they would do together.

He really wished he could have both this dimension and his home dimension.]

[It really says something when they're both too sad and depressed for Venkman to make a negative comment about Slimer. As it is, Venkman can't even muster up the energy to grimace at the mention of the spud.]

I guess... All we can really do is keep trying to make this place feel more like home. Finally get a new business set up. Until then- we've all got each other. And that's worth something.

[Even if the Egons got mix-and-matched.]

[Ray reaches with his now free hand to wrap it around Venkman's shoulder in a hug.]

I guess... maybe that's all we need. Even if we forget everything, there will be proof in this dimension of us, and if we come back here but forget about our previous time here, we would have the evidence that proves that we were here and happy.

[Does that even make sense? He's not even sure but god words are hard right now.]

[He accepts the hug easily, pressing a kiss to Ray's neck as he hugs him back, Annie now gently squished between them.]

Right. Yeah, exactly. And- y'know, some people've left this place and come back, so even if we did disappear and go back home- we could always come back again after visiting. It's not ideal, but...

[little do they know that even if they did return to their dimensions theres no way in hell we'd let them actually advance forward in time because then we get into coulier territory]

[Ray nuzzles against Venkman, still crying softly.]

We could. That would be so nice, and both the Egons can be here and we can date them.

[Annie whines as she squeezes out. The moment she gets out she hugs Venkman too. Accept her love dad!!

[Venkman still hasn't actually cried yet, so Ray is crying for the both of them. It's fine.]

Two Egons... Two Winstons, maybe. Two Rays...

But not two of me. At least not that version of me.

[Yes, alright, fine. He frees one hand to gently pat her on the skull.]

[Annie makes a quiet satisfied noise and cuddles him closely. Ray similarly holds Venkman a little tighter, letting himself smile a little bit.]

I wouldn't mind two Venkmans, as long as he's also a good cuddler.

[He grimaces.]

Seriously? You wanna shack up with the shitty asshole version of me that looks like Bill Murray?

I dunno, he might be a good at kissing!

Better than me? Not a chance.

[poor annie probably has whiplash from this.]

[It's fine he's used to this from Ray. As long as they're not crying!!!]

... I guess we could ask this Egon how he kissed. I think we should show more interest in his own home dimension anyway!

[That... might not be the best way to show interest...]

Ehhh, every time I try to ask him if he thinks I'm more attractive than his world's Venkman, he clams up and gets all "I don't see any point in comparing something so relative" about it. This'll probably go the same way. Or he'll just refuse to talk to us for the rest of the day for asking.

But I'm the better Venkman at everything else, so the answer should be obvious.

I guess you are pretty handsome...

[Ray closes his eyes.]

... Maybe this is what we should be aiming for.

[He doesn't elaborate on that yet.]

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